with Rev Dr Chris Walker
The Last Third of Life
I am now into my 60s – that means entering the last third of life. So I was interested to come across a book titled, Pilgrimage into the Last Third of Life by Jane Thibault and Richard Morgan. he challenges of the first third of life revolve around growth, development and exploring life’s possibilities. We grow up; we become educated; we look to having a career and most likely a family. It is a time full of promise – though some have a tough time of it due to circumstances. The second third for the most part are more stable years. The focus is on career and family. We come to maturity and rise in our personal and social power among those around us. The years from sixty or so have a different emphasis. What happens to us is unpredictable in relation to physical and mental health. We can look to our parents and ancestors to see what happened to them but even this is only a clue not a prediction. We may or may not suffer from the kinds of physical and mental issues they went through. Today a 63 year old may be CEO of a company one day and diagnosed with advanced cancer the next. An 84 year old can be given two new knees and a new heart valve and run in the next half marathon with other seniors. An 80 year old woman can look nearly 20 years younger while a 70 year old can look 90. So how do we best face the last third of life?
In my own case, my father lived to 91 and was active up until his late 80s, while my mother lived to be 90 and was sharp mentally to the day of her death. So my genes are sound and the result of good Christian (Methodist) living. They did the right things for their health – their diet was intentionally balanced, they exercised (walked and swam), and lived purposeful lives as followers of Jesus Christ interested in the world and people. I try to do the same in terms of eating well, having an exercise regime and living a meaningful life as a Christian. Nevertheless, we do not know what the future might bring and each person has to deal with their own circumstances. Jane Thibault and Richard Morgan as senior people themselves and experts in aging and spirituality offer some helpful thoughts. So I will draw on them but in my own words.
First it is a matter of facing the reality of aging and eventually dying. A common metaphor is that of pilgrimage which is a journey with spiritual significance. So it is not just a matter of getting older and moving closer to the time of our death. It involves acknowledging the reality of death and moving towards it as a spiritual destination rather than something to dread. If we see aging as a pilgrimage then there are several implications. We accept that we are no longer young, “forever young” as Bob Dylan sang. While we can and should be curious about life and open to new perspectives and experiences, we do so affirming our age and not pretending to be young. Looking in the mirror can remind us of this fact!
If we find we have limitations imposed on us then we have to learn to cope with them. Eyesight and hearing are likely to diminish. Walking will become more of an effort. My energetic father in his last years came to walk at a very slow pace. Then there are the unexpected health issues that may come through illness or a fall. My mother had to deal with painful shingles late in life. Our energy level will decrease. We are likely to have to downsize in relation to our house. We need to deal with all this hopefully not by becoming sour but with continued good will. If we are to age gracefully then we will need the grace of God to assist us.
There is inner work requiring attention so that our spirituality can assist us as we age. This means seeking a closer relationship with God and also seeking to have positive relationships with others. Forgiveness rather than resentment makes a difference. Striving to be reconciled with people rather than allowing broken relationships to continue may be required. Being alert to envy and pride is important. It does not help if we are envious of someone else’s better health or show smugness because we are in better condition than others our age. In old age we can still deny our egos and be attentive to the needs of others. Some people are a joy to visit because of their interest in those who come to see them while others are an effort because they only talk about themselves and complain about the world.
A danger of old age is to reduce the world that we are a part of – perhaps down to one! Yet we are all made for families and community. So we need to do what we can to foster good relationships with those close to us and continue to be interested in the wider world seeing the positives as well as the negatives. We can have an outward perspective even if we are introverts. We can make a point of relating to people we do not know if we are in hospital or a retirement home. Christian faith encourages us to welcome the neighbour and stranger.
As we age prayer and contemplation can become more of our lives as we have time for them. We can perhaps learn new ways to pray and meditate and reflect on the Bible. Rather than become bored we can see the extra time we have as time to foster our relationship with God and bring others before God in our prayers. If we have trouble sleeping then we can turn to prayer rather than resent being awake in the darkness.
Leaving a legacy is the final point I wish to make. What do we want to be remembered for? How will those closest to us, our children and grandchildren recall us? Whatever may have been the case earlier, we can work to leave a positive impression based on the last period of our life. Have we demonstrated faith, shown love, been people of hope? We may not have a large estate to leave to others. We can leave a positive legacy of someone who sought to be close to God’s will, followed the way of Jesus, and was led by the Spirit of God to the end of our days and beyond.
Chris Walker
(National Consultant Christian Unity, Doctrine & Worship)